


Addicted To Your Body

by orphan_account



Category: EXO (Band), SHINee
Genre: Angst, Bottom Jongin, Fluff and Smut, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-07
Updated: 2016-04-07
Packaged: 2018-05-31 19:40:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6485023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started as obsession, need to have someone to beg for more. Then it grew to be an addiction of full lips and hot body. Then there was fear, that something would be lost, mixed with madness, that it would never be his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Addicted To Your Body

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: it might have a lot of typos, grammar mistakes, the way it's written is strange but i hope it's understandable

It had started as a game, pushing and pulling, desperately in need not to be alone with someone who may not share the same feelings as his. He played around because he could not do more, he was desperate for affection, the type to let you be happy and loved, desired and thoroughly fucked in the morning, this is what he wished. As he had always did, he approached first, touched first, begged first and then he attacked. This game was his favorite, he loved it, dark night, loud club, burning alcohol running down through his throat, this is for what he was living for, this is what he tried to earn when he was out of the stage, out of the spot light.

Lee Taemin, the boy who grew to be a great star, the boy whose smile won the hearts of older and younger women, the boy who grew to be a strong and just as beautiful man, someone who was admired and loved, someone who had a dark heart, broken soul and needed something which would keep him alive. It was not a lie nor hidden information that in fact that stars like him, idol or actors, they were asking for more, something kinky, something obsessive, a thrill which can bring them emotions. They needed emotions to work, that's what their job was, a song could bring love, hate, pain. A dance can wreck even the strongest man. The simplest smile through the camera can bring joy to the viewer. This is what Taemin wanted.

He was not the type to beg or cry, yet he would share a tear, or two for something he found beautiful. He loved to have beautiful things, he desired to break them, to kiss them, to taste them. So he walked into that night club for this, to hunt his next prey. It was a surprise for him how he noticed a tall lean body passing right next to him, the scent of burned roses mixed with chocolate something spicy to pass through his nose and he sniffed some more, not sure if he liked it or not.

His eyes, however, followed the man, if he was not wrong, the stranger was taller, maybe slightly more toned than Taemin, but he was beautiful. Sun-kissed perfection of a skin, full cherry lips, Taemin was sure the man had put a lipstick on his lips but they looked amazing on him and Taemin gulped down his glass of whiskey asking for more. He wanted this lips on him, he wanted to taste them. Just right that moment, Taemin felt the thrill back. And a satisfying smirk took its permanent place on his face. Taemin had found what he was looking for.

The music inside the club changed to something slower, more sensual, something screaming about hot nights, sweaty bodies, fast thrusts and begs for more, red bruises and satisfying moans and Taemin was all ready for it. Turning his body to look at the dance floor in the middle of the club, he noticed the man walking towards it, meeting another boy, taller with broad shoulders and thin waist, both equally beautiful. Taemin gulped down, he wanted to see more, so without a moment of hesitation, he walked ahead, pushing people out of his way, until his view was clear and he could see how sensually the men on the stage moved.

The chemistry they had was magnificent, something which Teamin might have been craving to share with someone else, yet he was not someone to push back his talents for someone else. His dancing had always been stronger and faster, better that anyone and even the back dancers he had, they had to keep up with him so that they could achieve some kind of perfection. But he couldn't see this struggles between the both dancers. They must have reached some kind of mutual understanding, since they danced differently, but so perfect for each other. The beautiful stranger, the one who took Taemin's eyes, was moving with some kind of sadness, desperation to be forgiven and desired. Something which Taemin wished to break even more. Every move was begging for Taemin to kiss the stranger, to love him.

The other boy, he was sharp moves, dark eyes, he was the one making the others to beg for him, to crave him, to be down on their knees. The power in his moves, the darkness in his eyes, everything was making Taemin to shiver down to his bones and take a deep breath, a reminder towards himself that he must breathe. However, this dancer didn't bring enough passion inside Taemin, it wasn't because of his dancing, it was beautiful, just like the man himself, but he was not broken, he was not easy to break either, he was strong just as Taemin was. The other sun-kissed beauty was the type of a man Taemin wished to push on his bed, spread his legs, kiss every piece of the said skin and hear moans with desperate pulling of his hair. He wanted this.

The song was changed again, faster and playful, the dancers moved closer, teasing the audience with shy touches, lovely smiles and Taemin was slightly jealous that he couldn't touch the unknown man taking his last piece of sanity away. Sighing with slight disappointment, he turned around and walked back towards the bar, to finish his drink, maybe walk back towards his car, driving back home, alone and cold. He wanted to hunt for someone but unfortunately he could notice that he would be alone.

Sitting back on his chair, Taemin shook his head, chuckling to himself, he would be thinking about the stranger for a very long time now and possibly begging the gods to let him be in his embrace. Was he insane? Taemin wished to know this small piece of information too. Sometime later, the music changed back to the remix the DJ was turning on before the dancers to show, bringing back the boredom in Taemin. Maybe today wasn't his night. Fortunately, he might be wrong. One of the dancers, the one who took his attention, sat on the empty place next to him. Was this a miracle? He didn't know but he wished to move closer to the stranger. He needed to use his whole power to stop himself acting recklessly.

"Jongin-ah, you did great! Sehun and you, both of you know how to play around." The bartender spoke with cheerful deep voice, not matching his face and Taemin chuckled, he had to thank him. The stranger now had a name, Jongin, just as beautiful as his owner.

"Don't flatter us, Chanyeol, if you don't make drink as this one, no one would be coming here only for us." Possibly Sehun, spoke behind Jongin, Taemin suddenly felt the need to shy away from the duo, but his eyes betrayed him and he stared.

"Okay, okay, we all work it out, come on, grab the towels and come behind the counter, I need you here." From the wink and the wide smile they exchanged, Taemin sighed with relief knowing that these two were something close to couple, if they were not one already.

"You shouldn't stare." Deep chuckles brought Taemin back to reality, finally noticing that Jongin had his eyes on him, sparkling with something which Taemin couldn't name yet, but they seemed so beautiful. Taemin had to think of another word to use except beautiful but he couldn't bring himself to do so.

"I'm sorry, I was just interested in you." Taemin wished to slap himself, he sounded awkward and not the usual man he was, but he didn't mind when he heard Jongin chuckling again. "I mean I saw you dancing, you're so beautiful and I admire beautiful things."

"Thank you, I noticed you were looking at us, your stare was...intense." Jongin winked at him and turned back to his drink. Taemin was noticed, deep inside he hoped it was for good, but other nagging feeling came, he was recognized. After all, he was loved by many, the television was using his face more often than not, so he wouldn't be surprised if Jongin had approached him simply because of his fame, not that he would mind if it was the truth.

"Would you mind dancing for me?" Taemin had thought that he need a new dancer in his clique, but he didn't want Jongin to be there, he didn't want to hide the brightness Jongin could bring, but he needed the man closer.

"If you ask me to have sex with you, I wouldn't mind as long as I know your name." Jongin chuckled again, maybe he didn't know who Taemin was and maybe this was the best. 

"Lee Taemin, and yes, I want to have sex with you." Maybe it wasn't so bad that he could feel the alcohol in his system taking the best of him, not when Jongin chuckled again and leaned closer, biting his ear, whispering how he wanted to be spread open and begging. Just what Taemin wished to do.

It was a game of pulling and pushing, Jongin pulled Taemin closer, Taemin pushed away when he wanted to open the door, but Jongin had none of it. Restless kisses shared under the dark sky, hands inside their pants, small moans coloring the already silent night. Jongin was passionate, he was eager, he was disaster and in the same time, he was a quiet mess of perfection. Taemin loved to kiss away the cherry lipstick of Jongin's lips, he loved to feel how Jongin was melting under him while they walked towards Taemin's flat. They had called a taxi, waiting for it, trying their best not to touch themselves, but they did and they loved it. Not caring how the driver was cursing under his breath, but his eyes were on them. 

They had asked the driver to stop two streets before Taemin's because they couldn't hold their hands for themselves and they wanted to feel reckless. Taemin knew he was taking a risk but for once he didn't mind to be seen as reckless or stupid, he wanted to enjoy the night and he wanted to feel Jongin's kisses on his neck, he wanted to feel his hot body on his side, he wanted more, and more, he had to have more. And Jongin was ready to give him everything and anything. 

The walk back to Taemin's flat was messy, heavy breathing, quiet moans, loud giggles mixed with loud laughter, slight snoring and casual playful remarks. Taemin felt alive, he felt complete and the way Jongin looked at him, full with admiration, full with love, full with something Taemin could not name yet, brought shivers down his spine and made him see stars. Jongin could be reckless too, he showed how he would casually lean on Taemin, even though he was the taller, full lips on Taemin's neck, a hand slowly reaching towards his behind, fingers moving down, then on the side, circled around Taemin's waist. The hand then moved up at the front of Taemin's pants, slowly the fingers reached deeper under the waistband, under the briefs Taemin was wearing, casually caressing the sensitive skin there.

Taemin couldn't hold back his moan, stopping on his tracks, grabbing Jongin's wrist, he turned around so that he could kiss Jongin, demanding for attention a little bit more but enough to show that he wanted more. Jongin chuckled in the kiss, trying to say something but Taemin didn't let him, he wanted to hear Jongin's voice, but being rough from the moans, cracking while calling his name. Jongin had to be Taemin's. His forever, his only.

"I will make you unable to leave me." Taemin whispered against Jongin's lips, panting, lost in his arousing blindness. Jongin simply chuckled, pecking playfully Taemin before kissing him.

Once again the pace of their steps fastened, Taemin pulling Jongin closer and closer, his mind breaking into the darkest part of his mind, the part where he wished to have Jongin locked. One thing he could not explain, how he could grow addicted to someone from simple look, casual talk, if the proposal of sex was a casual talk to begin with. But he decided that he would leave this words for later, since now, he was busy taking out his keys. Trying to open his front door of the flat he had bought two years ago, after the money he earned after his first grand tour.

"A nice place you have." Jongin spoke casually, as if Taemin wasn't taking his clothes off, staring Jongin's behind.

"I would show you around later...that's it if you still can walk, I plan to play with you." Taemin winked playfully, earning himself loud and cheerful laughter, maybe Jongin was finding it amusing, unfortunately, Taemin craved this in a lot more darker way.

However, trying to still keep his sanity, shirt off and unbuttoned pants, Taemin decided to ask Jongin if he wished something to drink. Jongin just had to agree, with a lower lip between his lips and shining deep eyes saying things Taemin could not understand but wished to know per heart. Turning around, Taemin walked towards the kitchen to grab a bottle of whiskey, hoping that the taste would suit Jongin too. Taking two glasses, skipping the ice, he walked back into the living room, only to see Jongin removing the last piece of his clothing and winking at Taemin.

"I found the room a little bit hot?" It was lame, they both knew it but the excitement left them unable to tease each other, so instead Taemin shook his head, chuckling to himself and slowly walked towards Jongin.

"Let me kiss you." For a second, Taemin wondered if Jongin would notice the hint, since he knew whatever he said seemed too vague. However, maybe Jongin had the same thing in mind, because he took the bottle from Taemin's hand, pushing Taemin on the sofa with the other.

A moment later, Jongin straddled his lap, a teasing smile on his face. As instinct, Taemin's palms found their place on Jongin's hips, squeezing them lightly, the skin hot on his and a small groan left his mouth, moving his head back, leaning on the sofa, eyes on Jongin's wet lips. Glasses long forgotten on the side, maybe on the sofa, maybe on the floor, Taemin couldn't care. He was too busy admiring the man on his lap. Jongin moaned when Taemin experimented and thrust his hips up. 'Mine' Taemin's mind screamed when Jongin turned up the bottle and gulped down from the liquid. Taemin had never thought having a naked man on his lap, leaning down with mouth full of alcohol would be so sexually frustrating, but here he was, wondering how to resist Jongin.

The kiss left its small mess on Taemin's chin, down to his chest and Jongin moaned when Taemin touched the base of his growing erection. MineMineMine he was having Jongin now, but he couldn't help but dream and hope for more. "The bed!" he whispered moaned into Jongin's hair when Jongin was cleaning his chin and chest with his burning tongue, lightly biting his nipples, making Taemin lose his mind even more with every touch of Jongin's teeth.

"Come on, please..." he begged, finally having a hand in Jongin's hair, pulling back, making the dancer hiss and close his eyes, revealing a beautiful neck with a promise of bruises done by Taemin, evident when it's morning.

Jongin moved away, his erection, proud and leaking, Taemin gulped down the sight as if it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and he believed it was. His pants feeling even tighter with every second, he wished to run towards his bedroom, but decided against it. Grabbing Jongin's wrist, pulling him closer, taking confident steps towards the bedroom, Taemin never stopped looking at Jongin. Even when he pushed him on the bed, took of his pants off and moved closer to the lover he had for the night. Moving like predator towards Jongin, smirk growing when he noticed how Jongin anticipated every more of his, every touch, every smile and kiss. Jongin was a goner when Taemin leaned down, taking the tip of his hard-on between his lips.

"You're perfect." Taemin whispered against it, knowing that most probably he was not heard, yet he kept playing. Making Jongin's hips push deeper into his mouth, fingers impatiently pulling and pushing his head for better friction, quiet but beautiful moans of pleasure surrounding him. This was what Taemin craved for.

Pulling away from him, Taemin started to kiss the inner thighs whispering beautiful nothings full with the kind of beauty Jongin was. The dangerous addiction he would be in Taemin's life. And from there, they moved faster. Jongin, being the impatient lover he was, pulled Taemin closer, kissing him deeply, while asking if the man had lube and condoms. Without verbal answer, Taemin moved a little bit, opening the night stand on the left side of his bed, taking out the requested objects, making Jongin chuckle because indeed it was entertaining. For a moment the performer wondered if Jongin had seen a blush on his face, for his eyes to shine with fondness.

Their touches were gentle, slowly stroking gentle skin, kissing with passion, calling each other names, making slippery noises, arching backs, with lewd sounds from heated thrusts. Everything was over-heated, over-powerful, it was perfect in a way, making them share more and more of the passion for the other. It was addictive, the itching inside Taemin, the slight exhaustion in his body from the constant movements of his hips, even though he was a dancer, he hadn't gotten a proper rest for a while. So he groaned, turning them around, chuckling with amusement when he noticed the slight startled look on Jongin's face when he was on top.

"Move, come on, show me what you've got with hips like these." Taemin had to bite his lower lip to hold back the embarrassing moan trying to leave his lips. 

Maybe he was thoughtless towards Jongin, of how talented and seductive he was, but the way his hips moved was so sinful, the slow circles of his hips, mixed with the slight obsessive feeling of deepness and hotness surrounding his erection, Taemin craved for more. And clearly was proven wrong if he had doubted Jongin's talents in bed. Not only that but he had to concentrate about the act itself, after all he didn't wish to finish before Jongin. Believing that in a way he would give security of satisfaction for both of them to finish together, Taemin had always believed this would show some kind of affection, equality in their relationship. Moving up, meeting Jongin's movements, moving deeper, giving more, enjoying more, it passed couple of heartbeats until both of them moaned uncontrollably, sweat on their bodies, clashing lips and moans before they reached their high.

It was comforting, the tired silence which followed a moment later, it was interesting in a way, how easy it was to pull Jongin closer, even though both were dirty and sweaty, smelling like sex mixed with sweat, but it was good, it felt nice, it felt real and Taemin liked the current reality he was living in right now. Pulling the dancer closer, Taemin kissed the sweaty forehead, whispering good night and finally let his body to relax.

When it was morning, Taemin concluded, having sex with addictive stranger was quite the adventure itself and he enjoyed how relaxed he was feeling once he woke up. He hadn't felt like this for a while not, not to mention the satisfying smell of fried bacon came into his bedroom, reaching his nose and he almost jumped out of the bed. Honestly speaking, he was surprised for the simple thought that Jongin had stayed not only the night, but he was in his kitchen, possibly preparing breakfast and maybe Taemin's heart skipped a beat or two from the excitement. Not that he didn't wished for this to happen, but clearly he thought it was unexpected, since this was most likely one night stand and nothing more. This, however, didn't change the happiness which warmed Taemin's heart.

Standing up, he put the briefs he was wearing yesterday and ruffled his hair, while walking out of the bedroom. Not only he had to take a shower, he clearly had to do something about his hair later too, it was messy, falling into his eyes. No matter how much his management loved him with slightly longer hair it brings out your beautiful features even more they say, but he just couldn't stand it. Sighing with frustration again, he moved closer to the kitchen, listening some american pop music on the radio, Jongin was wearing one of Taemin's boxers only and moving around the kitchen, preparing breakfast with already prepared coffee.

"Good morning..." Taemin greeted, startling Jongin who must have not heard him moving closer, however, the fear turned to be a wide smile of happiness a moment later, blinding Taemin in a way.

"Good morning, I used your shower and clearly using your kitchen too, I hope you don't mind." Jongin shrugged innocently but winked when Taemin took his place on the small counter and waited for the food to be done. He had noticed that Jongin had prepared pancakes too.

"You're seem to be good at this." the comment might have sounded a little bit bitter, but Jongin didn't take notice of it and Taemin sighed with relief, he didn't wish to sound possessive, not before he knows what he and Jongin could grow to be.

"I have a niece and also I had sisters who needed me to cook for them, so eventually I grew to be better in this than both of them. I say it has its good sides too."

"Indeed, it smells and looks perfect, I can't wait to taste."

Everything was moving too fast, Taemin noticed. From the casual talks as if they were friends for years, as if they were in relationship for years, it all seemed too surreal in his eyes, too perfect. Not to mention that he had noticed how Jongin looked at him as if he knew him, as if he had met Taemin before. When Taemin's song came on the TV while they were cuddling on the same sofa that yesterday was their push for sex, Jongin frowned, as if he was disagreeing with something. But the coward in Taemin, didn't let him to speak up, didn't let him ask what he disagreed, what he disliked, was he regretting now that he knew who Taemin was, so he just leaned and kissed Jongin's temple, asking if he wanted to eat ice cream.

It was too good to be true, Taemin concluded the moment when Jongin sighed tiredly, leaning on his shoulder asking what they should do. Jongin had a free day and night, so he had to be back into the club the next day's night. Clearly he loved his job, since the smile on his face and the excited way his hands moved, while he was explaining what he and his friend Sehun planned to do for the night. The slight jealousy grew in Taemin then but he gulped it down, he had to do so. After all he didn't have the heart to see Jongin frowning because of his comments. Also they had exchanged numbers earlier with the promise that they'll keep in touch, since Jongin wished to meet Taemin again.

"I find you interesting, not to mention that I loved the sex, we should repeat that." he had said, with playful sparkles in his eyes, clearly a promise for more.

And Taemin had to agree, he loved the sex too, but he loved kissing Jongin too. Was it love from first sight, he couldn't tell, but he knew he loved how much potential the thing between them had. He could tell from the casual talks, from the way their touches seemed as if they were understanding each other. No awkwardness, nothing which would put them in situation where they wouldn't know how to react and Taemin appreciated it. It was not only about the sex, Jongin loved to speak about his life, casually asking for Taemin, but not pushing him to share things which were too personal, neither was he asking about Taemin's career.

Once the afternoon passed and the evening came, once again eating the take-out left from the lunch they had, Taemin wished to taste Jongin once again. Because even though he had received a promise he was not sure if he could trust Jongin with his heart. The dancer was eager to give more, not to mention that he was the one who pulled Taemin towards the bedroom. And once again they kissed as lovers, touched and moaned. The satisfaction and the bliss they were feeling was obvious from the way their bodies moved against each other to the way they were pulling each other closer.

Jongin was the type who loved to touch, Taemin noticed, even when they passed the shower, the slow deep kisses and finally cuddled in bed to rest for the night. If Taemin moved, since he was not sleepy and he wanted to play with his phone, Jongin stretched his arms ahead, circling them around his waist and mumbling something incoherent. It sounded as a whine and it made Taemin let a quiet giggles because of it. Clearly, Jongin was affectionate and this gave some kind of hope for Taemin.

When morning came, it was Taemin who woke up again. He was bored and lazy to cook for himself and Jongin, who was still sleeping soundly in his bed, so instead he decided to walk out, with a mask and hat to hide who he was. Not only he was worried that someone would recognize him, he didn't want anyone to notice that he was buying food for someone else. Not that he was ashamed, but he had spent years listening his manager to say how he should be careful with his actions since in a way or two, someone would notice it. And a drama was not needed in his life, not when he had to leave for tour again in couple of days.

Walking to the closest coffee shop, he bought couple of cakes, coffees and some baked sweet things, he could not understand the name of since it was in french, but looked very appealing. Once his order was ready, he turned around to walk away, humming his song and he noticed how happy he was feeling. Someone was going to wait him home, greet him with a hug and a kiss. This was what Taemin wanted in life and this was what he hoped to see when he was walking back home. His phone rang just then, making him frown a little bit.

"Hey, I hope you're up, we need to do small rehearsal since one of your dancers broke his leg and new one will take his place." His manager just had to call right now, breaking the small bubble in which Taemin was living of the moment.

"Should I be there? I'm tired and I have headache, can I skip today's rehearsal, I promise even if I'm dying I'll come on the next one." Taemin faked a cough, knowing that it will worry the man on the other side of the line, but he wished to be selfish.

"Yes, I understand, just take care of yourself, if you need me, just call and I'll come." 

"Of course, I will."

For a short moment, Taemin felt bad for lying, but he decided that Jongin was worthy. However, the luck was not on his side, because the moment he walked in his flat, he noticed the small note next to a cup of coffee and this brought a frown over Taemin's forehead. Walking closer, he looked up at the note and read it.

"I'm so sorry, something urgent came today and I had to go, but I promise I'll call later!  
I didn't call now, since I thought maybe you have left for work. Please enjoy the coffee,  
it might be cold by the time you're home, but I tried my best to suit your taste!

Love, Jongin"

It was cute thing to be done, but it didn't bring joy in Taemin. On the contrary, he felt a little bit lost. Jongin could text him or simply wait for him a little bit. From the look of it, he must have left right after Taemin and the chances that Jongin was awake were high. Although he didn't want to think that Jongin tried to run away from him and that it was indeed one night stand, the bitterness on his tongue disagreed. He was most probably avoided.

Sighing loudly, he took his breakfast and moved towards the sofa, he was going to watch some movies and maybe actually rest today. Knowing how much he had to train later for the concert he was going to have, Taemin groaned with displease. He was having hard time. He wished to earn himself a rest but in the same time, he noticed he was bored without the hectic schedule he had every day.

"I should go and drive my car back." Taemin reminded himself when he noticed the commercial about some Toyota car. He had forgotten he had left it in front of the club the other day.

He thought about it and decided that he could visit the club again, this time without drinks but he could watch Jongin dance with his friend, since he still could recall the excited way Jongin spoke couple of hours ago. 

When the night was getting closer, Taemin just woke up from his small nap and went to take shower. Once in front of the mirror with his wet hair, he sighed finding it hard to put everything on place and just shrugged letting it be messy. He was not going to flirt with anyone, he was just going to enjoy his time tonight. He put some wide t-shirt and tight jeans, grabbed the leather jacket and took his keys with phone. If he was not wrong, he would get there some time before Jongin had to perform and pride grew in Taemin. He remembered couple of visible hickeys on Jongin's neck, so he was sure they could be seen if Jongin didn't put too much make up on them.

Unfortunately, he was disappointed once again. The moment he walked in the club, walking towards the bar right after he checked his car to see if it was in check, Chanyeol, the bartender smiled apologizing to Taemin.

"Jongin won't perform today." he said awkwardly with a hand at the back of his head. "I think even Sehun won't perform since I noticed he's putting his uniform to help me here. Sorry, man, Jongin told me that he would call you in a while."

"Is he here?" Taemin wondered how desperate he was sounding right now.

"Nah, I don't think he'll be coming here tonight. But you can call him if you have his number, I'm sure he won't mind." Chanyeol smiled widely at Taemin.

"Yeah, thanks."

With this, Taemin had to walk away disappointed. Before he reached his car, he took out his phone, sending couple of messages to his manager, saying that he's better and tomorrow he would go to the studio early in the morning. Then he texted Jongin a good night, I hope everything is okay and I loved the coffee, with couple of smileys in the end. No reply came in the end. Maybe indeed, today it wasn't his day, but at least he got back his car.

 

On what a relationship was based, Taemin had always wondered. Was it on love only, the constant affection, the gentle words, the cheerful laughter? Maybe it was the small inside jokes only the couple knew, the small secret touches to prove the other how important they are? Also many love to prove their love? Or it was on the sex? The primal need to feel something strong, fast heartbeat, hot bodies, desire, passion? Was that it? Was it the constant need to be buried deep inside someone? The pleasure only the person closest to you can give you, because yes, when you're in love and made love, the things are different. Was it the feeling to be with someone? Not to be alone, to be embraced with some security that you're loved, that you're needed, that you have place in someone's life?

These were questions Taemin still had to search for the answers. Not that he was never been in one, he had been, he loved, he craved, but he still couldn't understand why the labels meant so much for someone. Why they were needed for something which could be so much more even without with the constant prove that yes, we're boyfriends, so he's mine. This could be proven even without this, the simple need to be loyal and not turn to look someone else was enough. But Taemin concluded he was the only one thinking this.

But maybe he was not. Jongin had called him, two days after his sudden disappearance. Cheerful voice waking Taemin in the middle of the night. He was preparing everything for the concerts, trying to keep his voice, hectic schedule and hard training for the new dances. He was sent away when he asked to meet the new dancer in his crew.

"You're needed for something more important, he is training now, so you'll see him later. Also the concerts are with changed dates, the fans know about it too." The manager threw the bomb right in Taemin's face, confusing him even more.

"What do you mean changed? These were the dates for months!" Taemin had experienced the anger and the disappointment of the fans, he was not ready to earn himself one more fight with them. Not to mention that the rage grew inside his chest too because he was excited to meet all the people supporting him and now everything was changed without his knowledge. 

"The management didn't check the dates when they appointed them." His manager sighed, he was displeased too. "Apparently, your dates are mixed with other idols and since they wanted the money, didn't even check that they won't be able to handle all of the artists and their fans at once, so you're moved for later."

"Why only me?" 

"Because you're solo, everyone believes you'll bring less money, no matter how popular you are."

Sighing, Taemin could only agree and walk back towards the studio and has his vocal training again. He couldn't fight his bosses, he couldn't deny that they could be right. The popularity not always meant good amount of money, so he was ready to gulp down the loses even when he knew he could earn so much more than he was let. He was powerless, but this didn't put his spirit down. He was very down at the beginning, barely twenty people visiting his fan signs, even less when he was performing his debut song. Not to mention the less interest towards him because he was the common pretty boy. But he was lucky that he had talents. His dancing won the hearts of many, later he had improved his singing and his good looks, seductive eyes and his talent to act, helped him to reach the point he was now. But it was not easy. He could say it was never easy, not when the rivals were growing.

So maybe this was why Taemin was surprised to hear Jongin inviting him for dinner in small family restaurant, without saying the reason for this decision but still insisting Taemin to follow him and come. The performer wasn't the type to say no, not when he was sure that he could earn himself a dose of sex too. He was slightly hurt from the lack of interest coming his way, but soon he was proven wrong. Jongin had come to visit him, right in front of his building, with casual clothes and beanie on his head. He looked like one of the college guys and Taemin felt fondness in his heart.

"So, not busy tonight?" Taemin asked, casually moving closer to Jongin, circling his arm around the waist. He hoped to be embraced not pushed away and he was not wrong.

"Yeah, I might stop dancing there since my sleeping habits are growing to be hell to keep." Jongin chuckled and cracked his neck with painful sound and wince. "I need to get rest too."

"I suppose you're growing old, my boy." Taemin teased hitting his hips in Jongin's, laughing when Jongin glared with him with a look showing that he was offended to be called old.

"Look, who's talking! You have couple of months ahead of me! Plus, I look younger and better than you!" Jongin tried to fight back, and Taemin found this extremely cute. It was entertaining to see how Jongin felt embarrassed with himself but still he kept insisting that he was better than Taemin. "I can even have sex for longer!"

"Jongin, you have to say this louder, I believe the lady on the next street didn't hear you, yet..." Taemin teased some more, laughing when he was pushed away from the warm body, Jongin walking ahead mumbling something how embarrassing this was, but he stretched his arm and waited for Taemin to take it, even though he didn't meet Taemin's eyes.

It was cute and entertaining to have dinner with Jongin, in a place where he frequently visited. Jongin was teased by one of the waiter, Jongdae as Taemin learned his name later. Jongdae was apparently Jongin's cousin, very close to the boy but he was teasing and slapping Jongin more than trying to keep a decent conversation. Taemin was the topic of conversation, how can the poor and closed Jongin to get an awesome hot guy like Taemin and Jongdae didn't miss to tease how Taemin was rich and Jongin had to sell his house to give a decent present to Taemin for their anniversary. Taemin laughed with tears when Jongin choked on his juice when he heard how Jongdae started to give sex advice to him because:

"For fuck's sake, Jongin, the guy is hot as a hot potato do you think only you spreading your legs for him would be enough?! Wake up, boy, he needs something kinky, juicy, buy a vibrator, learn how to moan!"

With this Jongin grew to be red as tomato and avoiding looking at Taemin, but this didn't stop him from hitting when Taemin mentioned how horny in fact Jongin was. Jongdae almost fell down on the floor when Jongin started to hiss and curse at them, leaving to see his aunt who was in the kitchen.

"Okay, serious talk, I don't care who are you, since you look familiar, I might have seen you on the television or something, but if you hurt Jongin, I swear I'll skin you alive." Jongdae's expression changed to the point of glaring to make his point clear.

"I don't have any intention of hurting him. I might be the one who get hurts." Taemin winked at Jongdae and put his attention back on his dinner.

"Okay, now I like you even more. Do you want me to show you some embarrassing photos of young Jongin, you'll fall in love with him." Taemin couldn't say no to this proposal either.

By the end of the dinner, Taemin found out that Jongin actually was dressed as girl until he was twelve, then he was with kind of long hair because his sisters wanted to play with his hair. Around that time he grew to be rebellious which meant that Jongin had two piercings on his right ear and one on left. For some time he was with pink hair, hoping that he would be left alone and his sisters would let him breathe, but he was disappointed to know that they loved the hair and made sure he kept it for years. 

Apparently when Jongin was senior in high school, he made Jongdae show him how to smoke too, but unfortunately they couldn't do it until, the summer once Jongin was free of school and he couldn't brag that he was a man too. 

"He was so funny, he couldn't breathe the moment he gulped the smoke and coughed for so long. I thought he'll die because he got red as tomato and his eyes were teary." Jongdae laughed at his comment. "But good thing this happened, he never tried it again and went for dancing. He's a good guy."

"He's good guy indeed. Did he always want to dance?" Taemin was glad that Jongdae was open enough to give information, since Jongin seemed the type that he was more into the idea of mystery until the last moment.

"As far as I remember he has always been speaking about it. But he was never confident enough to try for the industry or simply become a teacher. Always believing he was not of the best, he went to study about business." Jongdae shook his head. "Two years there, he went into the dancing club where he met Sehun. I'm grateful for Sehun, you know, he was the one who made Jongin dance again. I have the feeling this guy will be able to make Jongin follow his dream and be performer."

"Sehun and Jongin are close then?" The bitter taste of the jealousy was back taking the best of him and Taemin bit his inner cheek. He didn't want to seem too possessive of Jongin, not when he was having such great time with Jongdae.

"Oh yes, best-est of friends if I might say, but Sehun had been with Chanyeol for years. I think they're middle school sweethearts? I know they're together for as long as I know them. You don't have to worry." Jongdae winked at Taemin to bring some kind of relief to the man, but still he couldn't be so sure that there was nothing. But for now he decided to trust Jongdae and his words.

"I wish I still had best friend." Taemin chuckled more to himself than to Jongdae. "The business of the artists isn't as nice as it seems."

"I can see it, you have muscles but you're so thin. You have to eat, Jongin likes his men strong and I know you can impress him a lot if you put on some weight." Jongdae winked at him again and laughed when Taemin shook his head.

"I'll have concerts soon, I might come back even more miserable than now, I might be thrown away." Taemin laughed at how pitiful he sounded and Jongdae squeezed his shoulder with gentle smile on his face.

"Did you tell Jongin? I think he planned for you to go on small holiday together...but don't mention him that I told you, okay?" Jongdae looked as if he felt guilty that he spoke about Jongin's plan with Taemin, but he did a good choice in saying this. In exact that moment Jongin walked back to them, bringing even more food and sweets on his way.

"Did you say something even more embarrassing for me?" Jongin glared playfully his cousin while he put the dishes on the table with Taemin's help and turned around to face him and casually kiss Taemin's nose with small whisper of thanks.

"He said you have been with pink hair and let's not forget your fail in the smoking study." Taemin said casually and winked at Jongin. "I'm surprised how you don't choke on me when you..."

"Shut up, please, just shut the hell up." This time Taemin earned the heated glares but he liked how Jongin had his hand on Taemin's upper hip, squeezing every time when Taemin wanted to mention how wet and leaking Jongin was for him.

In the end they spend some more time in the restaurant, Jongdae visiting their table more than Jongin wished but he didn't push him away either. For the moments they were alone, Jongin explained the dishes on the table, which ones were made from his aunt and which ones were from his uncles bakery.

"For short period of time I wanted to bake things too but unfortunately I noticed I didn't have the talent for this." Jongin sighed with slight regret.

"Did you poison someone with your baked thing?" Taemin couldn't stop laughing when Jongin moved away from him, mumbling how he should not trust anyone anymore. Taemin pulled Jongin closer, kissing his temple and whispering an apology but both knew that soon it would be broken and Taemin would be teasing Jongin again.

By the end of the dinner, Taemin noticed how Jongin tried to make sure that he had tried everything which was presented plus the sweets which Jongin proudly said that he had done the other say and that they would be the best. Surprisingly, Taemin showed thumbs up to Jongin when he tried them with full mouth of them and shining eyes. He would be asking Jongin for more and he was sure that he would love to have them with his coffee. The chocolate flavor was mixed with something else which gave Taemin the feeling of a dessert which would be best consumed when it's summer.

Jongdae whined at them some time before Jongin end up pulling Taemin out of the restaurant before he could pay, thankfully he was able to put couple of won on the table, having Jongdae to whine even more of how fast they were leaving and that they must come again or at least Taemin, so that the older would be able to share some more stories about Jongin. For example, how Jongin thought he could fly and almost broke his skull while trying to do the said activity from the small balcony they had.

"I hope you weren't annoyed, if I knew this would have happened, I wouldn't have brought you here." Jongin said quietly next to Taemin, hands hidden in his pants pockets and Taemin thought that it was extremely cute sight.

"You shouldn't worry about this, I have a lot of fun. It was refreshing too. After all I'm too charming to be resisted." Taemin winked at Jongin before giving him a flying kiss.

"Stop praising yourself, you have enough fans to do the work." Jongin said playfully pushing his shoulder in Taemin's and moving away.

"Now that you said fans, I'll be having concerts soon." Taemin felt strange mentioning this to Jongin, having in mind that he knew the guy for such short period of time and also, let's not forget the fact that Taemin didn't even know Jongin so well, except the fact that he felt at ease around him.

"Oh..." Jongin frowned some more before licking his lower lip and turning around to face Taemin with faked smile on his face. "When you're leaving? Tomorrow?" he asked with cheerful voice but his eyes showed something close to sadness and disappointment.

"No, in fact, they have messed up the schedule and I have to leave in one week I guess. Then it will be hectic and you know, I'll be too busy..."

"So we won't see each other again?" Jongin interrupted Taemin without giving him the chance to explain his opinion.

"No...Yes? I mean while I'm on my tour I don't know how we'll see each other, since I don't believe you're one of fans and you'll be following me everywhere I go?" Taemin frowned a little bit, he couldn't understand what was the actual problem between them right now. "We can talk and text each other, but Jongin I might not answer for a while."

"Yeah, sorry, I was just...I thought that...I'm so stupid." he laughed awkwardly avoiding look at Taemin again. "I...nothing, I hope you'll have a lot of fun there. I'm sure your fans will be extremely happy to see you again."

Taemin stayed quiet for a bit, looking at Jongin's reactions he had mixed feelings. On one hand, he wanted to hug Jongin, pamper him and kiss him everywhere, saying how beautiful and perfect he was. On the other, he wanted to lock Jongin in his room, then in his hotel and never let him leave because he wanted to be closer to Jongin.

"What do you want, Jongin?" he asked in the end, because it wasn't only for his selfish desires, if there was going to have something, it was going to be a mutual understanding and agreement.

"I want to go on a holiday with you, but I didn't think you'll be so busy. And are we in some kind of relationship?"

"Do you want us to be?" Taemin expected this, he knew he would be asked this, unfortunately he didn't have the answer himself.

"I do, but of course, I think we should get to know each other since, well, we have a night one stand and I don't know a lot about you, neither you know me and I believe we can work it out. I won't mess in your career! So yeah..."

Taemin wanted desperately to turn back the excitement Jongin showed when he spoke a moment ago. He wanted to blush like Jongin did when he mentioned that he wanted to be closer, a part of Taemin's life. But maybe it was too early, maybe Taemin didn't know what he wanted, he didn't know what he felt except the need to be buried inside Jongin for eternity and hear the beautiful man the voice had.

"I think we can work out something about this, do you want to come to my flat? Or you want to go home?" 

It was indirectly asking Jongin if he wanted to spend the night with Taemin again. Even though he knew that he had to be up before the sunrise and train, also he had to check things out with his manager, he wanted to be close to Jongin. The shy nod and the lovely smile showed that Jongin wished the same.

The moment they drove back to the flat, Jongin walked towards the sofa, while Taemin walked to the kitchen to grab something for a drink and maybe some kind of snack for the night. It was good to have someone in his home, it finally felt full and complete. 

"Do you come to the club often? Chanyeol said you came when I was away." Jongin spoke when Taemin put the snack and the beers on the table, getting comfortable next to the boy and turning on some random movie for them to watch.

"No, when I met you was my first visit there, I heard it was good, so I wanted to try it myself." No point in lying, he noticed the relieved chuckle which followed, maybe Jongin didn't want him to be there. "Why?"

"Sometimes I was a bartender, although I'm sure I would have remembered you if you were regular, but I was very embarrassed. And I've been in situations, where I wouldn't wanted you to see me." Jongin chuckled awkwardly, sipping from his drink a moment later.

"Do you usually have sex with clients? As you did with me?" Taemin was curious about this, it was clear that Jongin had experience in bed, it was other thing how he learned.

"Sometimes I did, if I liked them or when I felt lonely. I asked sex from you because I thought you're beautiful and I thought you'll be good in bed. Actually I couldn't recognize who Taemin you are, until the morning and I saw you on the TV." 

One thing Taemin knew what he would love in Jongin, except his body, was his honesty. The calmness with which he explained everything, showed that indeed, he was ready for what was going to follow if Taemin didn't take well the information. And for a moment, Taemin wanted to crush his lips against Jongin's and leave his marks there, showing everyone that Jongin was his.

"I can't say I'm innocent either, I've slept with a lot of people and I wanted to sleep with you even before you spoke with me." Taemin replied with wide smile on his face. He was going to speak the truth too. 

"So pretty much we want to fuck each other, that's good thing to know." Jongin concluded, laughing in the end. "You know, I don't think I want to be your boyfriend or something like this. I don't want to be in some kind of situation where I won't be able to say anything to defend myself and just take what's coming my way."

"I don't think you deserve this either."

It was no lie that the lovers of the so called stars were the first ones to be hunted and blamed for the stars doing. Taemin didn't want Jongin to deal with something like this. If Taemin messed something, everyone would blame Jongin. And from the look of it, the family Jongin had, was very close to each other and honestly, Taemin liked the part of the family he met tonight, he couldn't do something like people who seemed so genuine and happy. Just because Taemin had decided to have Jongin, he couldn't bring a disaster to a whole family because of his desires.

"So what are we going to do?" Jongin asked quietly, slowly turning to face Taemin expecting an answer with some kind of satisfaction mixed with rejection.

"I think it will be good idea if we enjoy the moments we have now before I leave for my tour, and once I'm back, if we have the same feelings as now, we might try to work it out. What do you say?" Taemin was hopeful, he believed that it was not only sex between them, but only the time could show how it was in reality.

"Do you want to hit the bed?" Taemin asked casually but he could feel the tiredness in his body and the way his body was itching for rest. Jongin smiled, nodding without verbal answer, he pulled Taemin up and both walked towards the bedroom.

It was nice to have a body next to him, Taemin was slightly disappointed that he could not have Jongin panting under him, but he knew that his body was close to shutting itself down, if this kept going. Maybe it was obvious too because Jongin smiled with understanding and moved over Taemin, kissing him slowly but thoroughly. His tongue played around, touching every spot in Taemin's mouth, the small noises which their mouths did were enough to make Taemin beg for more. He couldn't stop the moans coming out, making Jongin chuckle above him.

Even though they didn't end up having actual sex, the make-out session was enough to leave Taemin boneless even when he left Jongin do most of the work. Casual but careful kisses on his neck, down to his collarbones, playful bites on his nipples and a hand slowly but steadily stroking his erection, Taemin felt in heaven. Jongin was whispering sweet nothings and took enough time over Taemin's mouth and kissing him as if his life depended on it. It was good, it was real. They finished when Taemin finished in Jongin's hand and Jongin winced against Taemin's mouth when the latter finally touched Jongin's erection, It was needed only two strokes and it was over for Jongin. 

"I love this." He mumbled against Taemin's skin before he stood up and took some tissues so that he could clean them and cuddle back in bed. 

"Me too." Taemin answered honestly.

He thanked Jongin for cleaning him with some more kisses, slow humming of a song and then he closed his eyes, letting the tiredness to take the best of him. He woke up for second time next to Jongin, this time the dancer was circled around Taemin as if his life depended on it. The warmness surrounding Taemin made him happy. He was not alone but he had to stop his alarm fast because Jongin was mumbling something close to waking up. Growing, Taemin carefully moved Jongin's arms and leg from his body and stood up from his bed. Stretching and growing when he felt couple of bones on his body to crack.

He walked towards the bathroom to take shower and think what he should do with Jongin, after all it was not easy decision. He could let the boy in flat and tell him to leave the key in the reception, or he could stay to Jongin to keep the key for himself and visit Taemin whenever he wanted, but he could wake up Jongin now too and kick him out of his flat. In the end, Taemin decided to let Jongin decide what to do. 

Grabbing couple of bites from the leftovers he had, Taemin left a small note to Jongin with the key, telling him to do whatever he wanted but not to throw the key away. He wrote love in the end of the sticky note since he wanted to make good expression and give some security to Jongin. Once he was ready to go, he grabbed everything needed and called his manager that he would drive himself to the company and start to work on the dancing while anyone else would come and help him around.

It was tiring day, since he had to check out costumes, some were too big, others too small, he had to stay and let the staff do their job but the whole stress coming from the news that maybe in the end Taemin had to leave earlier was tiring. Not only that he was worried about his voice, for the last hour he felt his throat hurting and he couldn't reach the higher notes of his songs without cracking or coughing later. And since his manager was worried for him, the doctor was called too and Taemin had appointment to him too later today.

"You have to take care of yourself, you know that your main point of selling is that you sing live. Also the rookies who would be with you to sing once or twice are very good and the bosses decided that they should sing live too." 

The nagging his manager gave him brought the moodiness in Taemin, not that he didn't expect this, he knew that soon if he didn't come up with something one of a kind, he might be thrown away and forgotten. Taemin couldn't let something like this to happen for couple of reasons. Not only he was unable to think of what he would be doing if he's not an idol, also he couldn't walk back home as a failure.

When he walked out of the doctor, he had a bag of pills and some other things to drink, because it might be cold but it could be something more on his throat. "So be careful, son, you might lose your voice for month." the doctor said casually.

Being angry and annoyed would have been understatement Taemin decided that he should drive back home, take a hot shower, let himself rest and maybe drink tea with some of the things he had to drink for the next week. The next appointment was one hour before his flight for Tokyo. Sighing, Taemin greeted goodbye to anyone in his studio, the dancers too, he had bought them some dinner before leaving too and grabbed his keys. He wanted to drive home and finally rest.

What he didn't expect to see was Jongin in his kitchen, cooking and moving around shaking his hips and the music to be loud enough to be heard from every part of his flat. Taemin stayed frozen on his corridor, chuckling when he noticed how Jongin cursed for almost burning one of the things he was cooking and then jump when he noticed that Taemin was already home.

"Hello, lover." Taemin greeted with a wide smile on his face. He was never taken care of, not for the last couple of years at least.

"I went out and did what I have to do but since I noticed that you left very early, I decided that I should do something for you? I thought you'll be too tired so I think cooking dinner for you would be a good idea?" Jongin spoke so fast, eyes and hands moving around as if he was going to steal something but he got caught and Taemin thought he could get used to this.

"Would you mind to do this for me until my tour?" Jongin stayed speechless and Taemin kept talking. "I have something on my throat and I have to take care of myself, so take out and something else wouldn't be so good. So yeah, do you mind to live with me?" It was big step he knew this but still, he needed some kind of support and Jongin seemed eager to help.

"Yes, of course, I'll make sure to do dinner, do you want me to do something else? Maybe breakfast, I can wake up..."

"No, dinner is enough, I want you to rest you have classes and job, I can't take too much of your time."

"It's okay, don't worry. So, any specific things you want me to cook?"

"Just whatever suits your taste too, I can eat everything."

Taemin would never forget the happy smile Jongin gave him before turning around to finish with his cooking, humming happily. And this continued indeed every day. Jongin didn't leave to the club as Taemin expected, instead he stayed home with Taemin, speaking about their days, how Jongin was annoyed with some of the students in his classes, how stupid some acted, then how he was busy in the coffee shop he was working but enjoyed his time spent in the library. Taemin found it easy to speak about how tiring everything was, how much the stress was growing since the clothes he was going to wear were not ready yet. How his throat was still playing with him, so he couldn't sing enough to be perfect for the concerts. He said how the new dancer caught a cold too and he had to be away for a while, so Taemin was going to be with one dancer less.

And Jongin stayed there, next to him, supporting him, kissing him, telling him that everything was going to be okay, saying how much he wished to help but he was helpless. He even said that if Taemin needed a dancer, he could ask Sehun since the boy had more free time than Jongin and maybe he could help but Taemin shook his head. Sehun needed time to train and with the way he was dancing, he would have hard time with Taemin's dance. 

"I'm going to be fine and I'm happy I'm not alone." Taemin sealed his confession with a passionate kiss and pulled Jongin to his bed finally having a taste of Jongin.

Long and passionate nights followed almost every day of the next week and half. Taeming was walking back home, with just baked bread, carefully prepared dinner, lovely man on the table and a couple of glasses with wine. Taemin knew he was growing used to it, he craved it in fact even though he wished not to admit it. The way Jongin tried to new things, waiting patiently for Taemin to taste them first and share his opinion, those shining and big eyes, waiting for his opinion only. The slight dependence Jongin had on Taemin, the casual massages before they went to bed, the long kisses with promises, this was something Taemin had craved forever. 

Jongin was the perfect lover Taemin had always dreamed of, even when Taemin came home late, he had food, still warm, most of the time Jongin was napping on his sofa and Taemin had his heart heavy when he had to wake up the man so that he would move to the bedroom, while Taemin was getting ready for bed too. Jongin actually made sure Taemin got closer to Sehun and Chanyeol. It was sight to see, Taemin concluded, since Sehun was the type who would tease them, but Chanyeol would tease Sehun back and in the end everyone would laugh at the careless couple. But it was nice, Jongin clearly made his point that he wanted Taemin permanently in his life.

"I have my doubts about this." Taemin spoke with his manager, the man walked into Taemin's flat two days ago and noticed Jongin casually working in the kitchen, of course Taemin was called right away, so this explains why Taemin was finally honest.

"What do you mean? Doubts for him?" His manager was a nice man, very understanding and he knew Taemin his freedom from his cage of career so he wasn't so harsh on him as he should.

"No, more like the reason why I keep him." Taemin sighed tiredly, he had asked for Jongin to go home and the slight hurt expression and the sadness in Jongin's eyes when he was told to walk away, were still hunting Taemin even though two hours passed.

"You don't know how you feel about him? Taemin, you let him cook for you and you clearly have some kind of deep connection to spend to so much time with him. Don't you want this?"

Taemin was just asking himself this too, shaking his head, he sighed and put a hand over his eyes. He thought of this, he wanted to go back home when he's tired so that he would see Jongin and kiss him, hug him and let him fell asleep on his chest but it felt surreal, too perfect. Not that Taemin didn't trust Jongin, he did, and maybe this was what scared him the most.

"I do, but what will happen when I'm away, I know I won't play around since I'll be too busy, but what if I end up cheating on him? Or what will happen if he cheat on me? I don't want this thing between us to break because we're too careless." 

"So you plan to break it before it's too serious?" Taemin nodded, it was not too late, they barely knew each other for two weeks. Taemin could say he's tired that he can't deal with relationship while he's so busy with his career, he could curse Jongin if the simple talk didn't help, he knew ways how to push people.

Surprisingly nothing of this was needed and Taemin was the one left speechless instead, Jongin was the one who spoke, calm voice, gentle smile, short bittersweet kisses, this was their goodbye and Jongin was the one who shared this, the one who pushed them for goodbye, Taemin just said the first words.

"I don't think I can do this, Jongin." He had said and Jongin had smiled then, nodding his head, as if he expected this, as if he wanted too.

"I thought so too, so I didn't let myself to delude myself, but I'm happy I could spend time with you, you're a wonderful man, Taemin, and very good lover." Here Jongin blushed and winked at Taemin chuckling before he moved ahead and stretched his arms over his head.

"What are you doing?" Taemin whispered when he noticed how Jongin walked closer to the closet.

"I brought clothes here some days ago and I believe I should get them back, since well, I won't be spending time here anymore. By the way, thank you for doing so many things with me even though I know you took risks. I loved how you kissed me in public and went on dates with me, how you help my hand and kissed my cheeks. Also I'm surprised you watched the romantic movies with me..."

"Jongin...."

"Don't say sorry, I knew it's too good to be true anyways, but, if you need me once you're back from the concerts and tours, well, you know my number. You can call me and I'm sure I'll be free and happy to spend time with you as old friends maybe, since I don't know if you would want to be something more with me."

Taemin wasn't left to say anything else, since Jongin leaned down and kissed him, pushing him on the bed, taking his breath away, making his heart beat times faster and then, Jongin moved up and left, small bag in his hand, sad smile on his face. Taemin was alone again, with a broken heart and heavy thoughts. He didn't want to let Jongin, but he noticed it a little bit too late.

Everything went back to how it was before Jongin came into Taemin's life two weeks ago. It wasn't so hard, after all the period of time was too short for Taemin to find some kind of strong regret and heartbreak but it was enough to miss Jongin. However, Taemin decided that he had taken the right choice and moved on, for a moment he wanted to delete Jongin's number too, but decided against it.

Once the concerts started, however, then it was the time when Taemin found how much he wanted Jongin next to him, cheering him, loving him, asking him how he feels, is he tired, does he need more water, no one did this for him anymore. No one did anything except saying how good he was, how sexy he was, how hot he was, he was a toy giving people money, so why they should care for him.

He grew to have the habit to stare at his phone, wondering what Jongin was doing, he thought of Jongin's kisses, the hot and full lips around his dick, leaving small moans and vibration, making him moan and groan, begging for more. He thought of the careful fingers on his back, playing with the skin and make him relax. He liked how Jongin loved to suck his balls as if they were the best thing of the world or how much he loved when Taemin was sucking on his entrance before entering. Taemin thought he'll go crazy if someone else takes his place in Jongin's life. He was losing his sanity with every moment passing and thinking how Jongin might no longer let him touch him like this.

"Taemin, I don't care what you're thinking about and what panics you, but you need to breathe and move on the stage or people will grow worried and I believe you don't need more scandals to happen around you." 

Taemin nodded, he was one month in his tour and he already made his appearance in the tabloids. It was a stupid thing, he went to celebrate his fifth concert in a club and grab couple of drinks, but then someone had seen him there, being more intimate with one of the girls who did his make-up. She was attractive woman, Taemin could never deny that he wanted to be close to her and maybe touch her in more intimate ways, but he never dated her, not even that day. But when he leaned to whisper things in her ear, arm on her shoulders and her hand on his upper hip, this became a real scandal. Some called her a whore then and it was not easy to work when she was feeling guilty, she wanted to quit but Taemin stopped her. She was a good girl, it was not her fault that some people couldn't except things and making a big deal of something.

However, he knew that Jongin might see this, might hear it, might think bad of Taemin, might curse him to hell and back only to turn him back in the burning heaven, but then again, Taemin supposed it might not happen, since they were no longer a thing. Taemin sighed tiredly once he reached his hotel room, he had to fly back to Seoul to speak with his boss privately and then fly back to Beijing for his concert and it was tiring. So tiring that he could feel his back killing him more than his permanent headache and the ache on his left knee. He had tried new move the other day and fell down.

Soon nightmares had started, if Taemin could call them nightmares, they have been passionate just as they were scary. Maybe it was the crave Taemin had towards Jongin, maybe the strong need to be embraced and loved, or maybe he slowly started to understand that indeed he had opened his heart more than one way towards Jongin for simple one week period of casual living together. Maybe Taemin had fallen in love with Jongin something between the lovely late talks with hot drink in their hands, or maybe he did even before that he couldn't tell, but the nightmares gave no rest to Taemin, not a moment of calmness when he needed it the most.

On the contrary, they made Jongin crave for more, think for ways how to win Jongin back, how to be the man Jongin would wish in his life for eternity, or at least until one of them die. Taemin was obsessed to the point that he was sure he would lose his sanity and do something on the wrong time and would cost him a lot of damages. However, he couldn't stop, he wanted to taste Jongin's lips, he wanted to touch the hot skin, grab the full hips, hear the moans of pleasure again and to know that he was the only reason for Jongin to be so vocal, so loud, so needy and so desperate for friction.

Taemin let his mind go crazy on its own. Thinking of ways, how he could win Jongin. How he would smile at him, confess his love, embrace him and beg for forgiveness with the explanation of how Jongin was everything Taemin wished to have in his life. At some point, Taemin couldn't say how close he was to calling Jongin, to hear his voice and lie to himself that everything was good. How close he was to calling and saying that he would kill anyone who had touched Jongin. He was so close to leaving his tour, run back to Jongin and claim him as his. But even the last piece of sanity in Taemin stopped him. He couldn't leave anything and everything for the simple need to have Jongin for himself. He had priorities and no matter how much he wished to lie, Jongin wasn't his priority of the moment.

He was tired, his mind was always drifting while he wondered where he should be, what he should do, who he needed for support, who he cared for, what was Jongin doing, JonginJonginJongin... it was tiring, but he survived. After getting scolded by his manager, Taemin moved on, he was finally free, the scandal he had long forgotten, he just had to walk back home and visit Jongin.

"He's not working here anymore, for what I know he's into studying now." Sehun glared at Taemin when replied at the question. For once Taemin felt small under the man's gaze. He had strong eyes and possibly strong personality. Taemin wondered if Jongin had stronger personality than what Taemin thought too.

"If I call him..."

"Well call him? For six months you didn't try to contact him, you might be lucky and have a decent conversation with him. As long as I know he's been busy with some Junmyeon dude, so what can I say, man, just don't try to get in the middle of their sex life, Jongin can be pretty vocal." To make his point, Sehun opened his mouth in O-shape and put his tongue on his right cheek while he moves his fist up and down in front of his mouth, as if he was blowing someone. "You get the idea right?"

"Yeah, thanks, man." Taemin answered grumpily, he knew he didn't have the right to feel so down and so lost but he was. He felt anger too, not only towards Sehun, but the fact that Jongin might really have found someone better than him and this was so painful in a way Taemin couldn't explain.

"You're a coward and you're not even drunk, why the hell did you call me to pick you up?"

"Because I don't want to be alone?" Taemin replied to Minho, he was his friend and actor in the same company where Taemin was. They grew to be closer when their boss thought that Taemin should try acting in case he couldn't be idol, but this was a great chance for Taemin to find his new best friend.

"You're still coward. Why don't you call the guy? Even if he has someone, it won't be painful if you both speak and think over things you know?" Minho was right but Taemin was too scared to make this step, maybe he will understand that indeed, he had lost something he had loved deeply.

"I can't do this, okay? I'm too prideful for this! I can't just do something like this and having in mind that I actually did the breaking up and I let him go as if nothing happened, what can I say to him? Sorry, I was wrong, but I fucking love you with all I have, please come back to me, I'll make sure I will be the best for you?" Taemin was close to shouting his voice was so loud.

"That's the first step actually, the next is for you to actually prove your words that they're right and that they mean a lot more than your stupid brain thinks they mean."

"I hate you about this." Taemin chuckled when both finally sat into Taemin's car, Minho on the driving seat. "Wanna drink something with me?"

"Sure, in your flat? Since well, I don't want to let you be somewhere else while you're crying over your broken heart." Minho chuckled and winked when Taemin glared him but still nodded because maybe he was going to share one or two tears while he was drinking heavily alcohol.

And indeed he did cry, he whined and snored. He shook Minho for answers, then laughed madly when he knew that he would be alone. Jongin had pride, he wouldn't turn back to someone who had left him once, Taemin wouldn't. He would cry and be miserable, but once thrown away, he would never turn back even if it pains him with everything that exists in his heart, which reminds him of the person who loved him but broke him too.

But Jongin wasn't Taemin. Taemin was someone who would never walk back but unable to move on. Jongin would move on, he would seek for happiness, Taemin was sure of it. From the way he took care of Taemin when he was busy, it clearly showed that indeed Jongin wished for someone who one day he called his family and Taemin wasn't the one who would be able to take this role.

Taemin woke up with heavy head, burning eyes and his throat was so dry that he wondered what was that lovely smell of something baked coming towards his room, then he noticed that in fact his door was opened, not really wide opened, but slightly ajar, his window was opened wide so that the fresh air was coming inside. Taemin groaned because he couldn't feel his head at all. It felt times heavier when Taemin moved in and walked ahead, he noticed how his balance was off, but he still could manage to walk ahead, a hand on his head, massaging the scalp, he needed to do something about the headache and he should do something soon, or he would cry.

One step close to reaching the kitchen, where the noise and the lovely small was coming, Taemin noticed that Minho was nowhere seen and also he would have been surprised if Minho was in his kitchen, doing something. The actor was everything but a chef, he couldn’t boil his eggs or even turn on his grill when they were in restaurant to cook the meat they order. So Taemin started to question who it might be, his parents were too busy managing their own lives to actually come to meet him right after he spent the night drinking and being miserable. His manager was with his girlfriend outside of the city for couple of days. Taemin was so happy that he managed to make the man breathe and let him rest. Not to mention that Taemin wasn’t exactly close with anyone except Minho.

His heart skipped a beat when Taemin’s thoughts drifted towards the only man who could make his heart beat faster. Jongin, and he was right, Jongin was the one in the kitchen, a phone between his ear and shoulder, quietly speaking and explaining something Taemin still couldn’t catch but hoping that it wasn’t a request for Jongin to leave soon. If Taemin was not awake, Jongin could walk out without bothering to say a simple hello, and this would have broken Taemin.

“Good morning.” He mumbled, quietly sitting down on the chair in front of the kitchen table, where the warm coffee was and where apparently Jongin planned to put the things he was preparing.

Jongin jumped startled from hearing Taemin’s voice behind him, he hurried to finish the call, mumbling that he would kill someone and then turned around to face Taemin, a tight smile on his face, his eyes avoiding Taemin and he cleared his throat before speaking up, awkwardly greeting Taemin back.

“Um, good morning. Minho, your friend, called me and told me you’re kind of wrecked and he had to go to film something today, so he couldn’t take care of you.” Jongin scratched the back of his head. “When I came, you were still sleeping so I thought that maybe you would want something to eat and I did this.”

Taemin nodded, wondered for a moment if he should explain why Minho was here to begin with and why he got drunk and why he looked so miserable. But in the end he just nodded at Jongin and looked down, grabbing the cup closer to him and put some decent amount of black coffee in it. Drinking straight after, burning his tongue and throat but he loved the bitter taste, so he gulped the pain down.

“Minho seems as a nice guy.” Jongin chuckled, Taemin noticed that his back faced him and as much as he wanted to walk closer, circle his arms around Jongin and kiss his neck he couldn’t do this. “When I got here, he started to explain how between you two there’s nothing and that I shouldn’t worry, but in the same time, I should break up with my nerd of a boyfriend, Junmyeon and come back to you, not because I’m desperate but because you need someone to take care after you and Minho is worried one day you’ll die.”

The short rant ended with loud laughter and Taemin was sure he was blushing but he was sure he’ll kick Minho for this.

“You shouldn’t listen to him.” Taemin mumbled, his cup was close to his mouth, Jongin couldn’t hear him, but he still tried to sound decent enough of a person.

“I liked it you know. To know that you would let yourself to be dependent on me.” Jongin’s chuckles turned awkward. “I hoped that you would say so yourself, but I knew the chances were less, after all the rumors around you, the way you acted around me before you left, and so I didn’t put my hopes up.”

“But you got yourself a boyfriend?” Taemin felt the bitter way he said and almost groaned loudly. He had to act at least as a friend and not heartbroken ex, he didn’t wish to be.

“I don’t have a boyfriend. I know what Sehun told you but this Junmyeon guy is the boss of my boss in the small bank I’m currently working in, so, I don’t go out with anyone.”

“Junmyeon is nice man who comes to visit the new comers in the bank and show us around, how to do things. I mentioned him to Sehun the other day, so I believe he decided to make a small drama out of this when you came. But the question is why you didn’t ask me to make sure of this?”

Taemin stayed quiet once again. He couldn’t say that in fact he was sure Jongin had moved on and Sehun’s words made him sure of it. Also he knew that if he was going to admit, he would sound like the coward he was. Not to mention that the simple idea of having Jongin to laugh in his face for being so ridiculous didn’t help him. But once again Jongin was one step ahead.

“You doubted me, didn’t you?” His voice was so close that Taemin was startled, the moment he looked up he noticed Jongin leaning to put the plates on the table, making some space for the food he prepared.

“I did.” Taemin whispered, his eyes were on Jongin’s lips, he remembered how crazy this lips were making him, how passionate their kisses were, how much loved he felt through them.

“And you were going to stay away until you didn’t find a reason to contact me?” Jongin’s voice grew harder, deeper, more serious, he was angry. Taemin was going to angry too if he was in the same place.

“I...I was sure I don’t deserve you. But I planned to call you and explain myself…”

“Explain what? That you were surrounded by beautiful girls and boys and you couldn’t hold your hands for yourself. Don’t bother.” Jongin chuckled and sat opposite of Taemin on the table. “Eat, come on, have something. I’ll do the same and I’ll leave don’t worry.”

Taemin felt as if he had a rock in his throat making it harder for him to drink, breathe and talk. It was too painful, Jongin was rejecting him, and he couldn’t do anything. One moment he believed that if honesty would turn back Jongin in his embrace, he would fall down on his knees and he would beg until he was left with no voice. But he didn’t know if this is what Jongin wanted. Did he want excuses for the way Taemin acted? Did he want the honest opinion? Did he even cared now? He was angry so he must care, Taemin concluded. But this was not the only thing he found out, it was the fact that he didn’t know anything about Jongin. No matter how he thought of small things, habits he shall know by now, or at least have a clue, he had none. 

“I’m a coward.” He said in the end, looking up at Jongin, meeting his eyes without fear. He wanted to speak, he wanted to have Jongin, he wanted to be Jongin’s too. “I was scared that if I called you and you tell me that you no longer want me, then I would break even more than the thought of losing you for someone else. I was scared that you moved on, and I knew if you told me so, I would have regretted everything, more than I do now. I just decided to end this, with my own delusions and thoughts, without speaking with you. I just didn’t want you to see me so weak.”

“But you haven’t thought of how I would feel.” Jongin spoke quietly, but not weakly. His voice was confident, he knew what he was bringing out, he knew he would push Taemin, but maybe this was what he wished from the beginning, to have Taemin in the corner, honestly with him and his own heart.

“No, I did, I did think of you and your feelings, I just decided to decide your feeling on my own, without questioning, without seeking an explanations, I didn’t want to be hurt.” Taemin chuckled at how stupid this sounded, he had decided to hurt himself, but he hurt Jongin too this way.

“I don’t need anyone to decide how I feel, Taemin. Do you think I haven’t noticed the possessive way you have sex with me, the way you look at me, the way you touch me, as if you want to mark me and lock me somewhere, to be yours alone? Do you think I’m so blind?” Jongin shook his head, almost throwing his spoon on the table, before he sighed and closed his eyes for a moment to calm down. 

“I didn’t mean to…”

“To what? Scare me?” Jongin laughed with sarcasm evident in the laughter, loud and painful in Taemin’s ears. “I wasn’t scared because I wanted it. I wanted someone to want me so much that they would go crazy for me and I saw this in you. I can’t say if it’s love, Taemin, I don’t even know if we will work out because we’re both so different. But I was willing to try with you!”Jongin shook his head again with disappointment. “But I don’t know if I want to.”

These were the words that broke even the last piece of calmness in Taemin and he felt the hot tears falling down. They passed his cheeks and reached down to his chin when he laughed awkwardly and started to wipe them away. He felt like a maniac. He was one, but now he felt so vulnerable, so lost.

“Sorry, I don’t know what’s happening but I...Sorry…” Taemin apologized but he didn’t know if this is what Jongin wanted to hear. He didn’t know anything.

“What do you feel, Taemin? What do you feel towards me?”Jongin smiled gently. “I know that I want more, I want to know you, not because you’re famous but because your existence in my life brings me happiness. I want to be madly in love with you.”

These were the words that pulled back Taemin's confidence, they were the ones which made him believe that maybe he could be next to Jongin.

"I think I might be one step away from falling in love with you." Taemin chuckled between his tries to clean his wet from tears cheeks and smiled widely at Jongin.

"Was it so hard to say this from the beginning?" Jongin laughed when he asked but he didn't expect an answer, instead he stood up, walked to Taemin and embraced him, pampering his face with small kisses and quiet confessions of how much he missed this. 

In return, Taemin pulled Jongin on his lap and ravished his mouth with beg of forgiveness and need to be loved and touched, to have Jongin again under him, in his life, but now as boyfriend, lover and maybe something more for as long as they could go.


End file.
